A New Life After Addiction
My name is Stacy Butler; I’m a 38 year old single mother of two beautiful children. Cain, my son, is 14 and is living with a challenging disorder called Aspersers Syndrome, a form of autism. My daughter, Melissa is a year old who is growing strong everyday.
I am not there to see the growth of my children because I have been incarcerated in the State Correctional Institution at Cambridge Springs since April 2007. I’m among several thousand women who are sentenced to prison for crimes committed during an active drug or alcohol addiction.
I was charged with possession and delivery of cocaine in 2005. I remained out of jail on bail for almost two years fighting my case. I lost in the court of law, however, during this time I found a new life. A true life of freedom, recovery.
During my new found life of recovery, I met a man and quickly fell in love. I became pregnant and struggled with the decision to keep the baby because I knew I would be carrying this child and give birth to her while incarcerated. So I changed my life completely, I was gainfully employed, living well with my son Cain, my new boyfriend and now awaiting this new addition to my family. I was doing all the right things, meetings, a sponsor, doing anything I could to maintain my sobriety. But addiction is such a cunning disease; there is always a relapse waiting for the addict. It was not me who had the relapse; it was my boyfriend, and now I faced this pregnancy and the prison sentence on my own.
In April of 2007 I was sentenced to 4-8 years of incarceration. My first night incarcerated was spent on a cold floor of the county jail holding cell. I was 4 month’s pregnant, feeling desperate, alone and hopeless. In June of 2007 I was transported in a van with six other women to the State Prison at Muncy. There I would be locked in a 9’x6’ cell, 22 hours a day while going through the classification phase of my prison term. I spend hours reading and praying and doing anything to bring my heart and mind peace through this uncomfortable pregnancy.
Midnight, August 24, 2007 I was told by a corrections officer, through steel doors and bars, not to eat any more food because I would be going to the hospital sometime this morning to have my baby. I spent the next five and a half hours preparing…crying and having preterm labor pains. At 5:30 a.m. I was shackled and cuffed and off to Geisinger Hospital in Danville, PA.
The labor and delivery room was beautiful. For several hours prior to the surgery I rested in the most comfortable bed in the world…compared to the inch thick mattress I had back at the prison. A little before 4:00 p.m. they came to take me to the operating room for the scheduled caesarean section. I became extremely emotional as I looked around the room and realized there were all unfamiliar faces. I had no one to hold my hand…not a loved one insight. As they placed that large spinal needle in my back I was struck with sudden feelings of panic and fear. Every time I felt overwhelmed, I prayed the 23rd Psalm and the serenity prayer to myself as I often do in times of need. The next thing you know I had given birth to a miracle, my little girl, Melissa.
The next two days were so glorious. I kept my newborn, Melissa, with me at all times….still shackled to the “comfortable” bed. I dreamed throughout the night of a beautiful homecoming, the nursery in my home and long walks with my new little girl and my fourteen year old son, Cain.
Instead, my mother and a friend of our family arrived at the hospital. They visited with me for about an hour and then were escorted out of my room with my bundle of joy in their arms.
Fifteen minutes later I was shackled and cuffed from head to toe and tearfully taken back to my cell at SCI Muncy.
I will never forget the pain of leaving my son, Cain, on the day of my sentencing and then having to give up Melissa right after her birth. But I do know that as lonely as I felt, I was not alone. I know that God had touched me in my heart and I know that we will all be together again one day.
Stacy Butler is scheduled to be released from SCI Cambridge Springs in several months. She plans to return to Berks County and resume her relationship with her children. She has been in recovery for --- months and regularly attends the Family Support Program in the prison.